What does it mean to be, or to have, a soul friend? We don't really know where the term came from but we pick it up in the Celtic tradition of Anam Cara (which means Soul Friend). Humans have a basic need to belong, and embedded in that need to belong, there needs to be purpose. Those two words are imperative; 1. belonging and 2. purpose.
Celtic tradition does not separate these two aspects of friendship. They belong together. For example, if you are standing up right now (or sitting), then you are standing (or sitting), on ancient ground once occupied by others. Such a view of the world is broad and all encompassing. So too, 'soul friend' is about belonging to another, and them belonging to you, to both live with purpose, and to see relationship as just a small part of a much bigger story. Soul friend is a state of mind in which we are small and insignificant, and so are our relationships. That doesnt mean the friendship isnt important. It means we live into it with humility and perspective. That we understand the relationship is not just 'ours' to enjoy, but has a purpose in the bigger scheme of things. We must also be still, and be in awe of the vastness that is beyond us.
In light of this sort of thinking, the meaning of 'soul friend' quickly becomes more than a relationship. It locates us in community, it locates us in time, it locates us in space itself. To be Soul Friend causes us to question our motive and purpose in friendship. Such a broad concept of soul friend prevents us being addicted to the material world as though that is all that matters. Rather we are driven to become aware of our vulnerabilities and our own identity. To be fully human on the inside, as well as aware of our behaviours and how we effect others on the outside.
A shortcut to gaining this sort of awareness is given to us through Celtic spirituality and its visceral awareness. We become aware of the divine through our senses. Are we aware of temperature, textures, pressures and sensations on our skin? What do we see, and what is the intensity of light, the vibrancy of colour. Do we see the microscopic as well as the vastness? What are we hearing, are we tuned into the frequency of background noise such as the birds chattering, children playing, traffic passing? Do you know the words to the song; What a Wonderful World?
As we live a more aware life, we will need to practice it consciously before we become any good at it. But with enough dedication and practice, we do become more conscious, and reap the rewards of living that way. More conscious of ourselves, of others, and of our environment. If you do this often enough and for long enough, intimacy replaces loneliness. Courage replaces fear. Grace replaces awkwardness. Love of our world helps us to relinquish our obsession with ourselves and enhances our mental health. We then bring grace, awareness, intimacy and human vulnerability to our friendships.
Soul friend is not just a high level friendship that generates emotional highs. Soul friend is much deeper, and operates with purpose. It is a three-way deal, 1. self, 2. others and 3. the divine. Soul friend business allows us to become, and to be, more than a single minded self. As soul friends we learn that how we relate to others is a reflection of how we are relating to ourselves. A soul friend wishes what is good for the other.
A really good place to start is by being a soul friend to others. Maybe see how others respond, and if they are ready to do likewise?
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